A Long Time

I know I haven't posted in a long time. I have been busy. Nicky is 19 now and he graduated high school (by the skin of his teeth) through K12 online classes. The bullying got so bad that I had no choice. It had gotten to the point that I was calling the school every day and not being heard. I wanted him to complete his schooling, so I opted for the online school. For me, it was a trial, but what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger. Mentally and maturity wise, I would say he'd be on level w/ a 13 yr. old. Unfortunately, he's turned into a bully himself when it's come to me. He's still a devoted kid, yes, but there have been times that he's threatened bodily harm on me, even cornering me on one occasion. He's 5'10" and I'm 5'3" and as some of you readers know, my body has been through the wringer. Way too young for the issues I have, trust me. It's even worse when he threatens my mom who moved into the apartment next door. She's 73 now and even smaller than I am. And what gets my son so angry with me? When I take a privilege away.for misbehaving. What makes it even worse is having people tell me I shouldn't discipline my son at all, that when he misbehaves, he is "expressing" himself. I don't think I would be doing Nicky any favors by allowing him to disrespect everyone. I'd considered enrolling him in Karate, but the instructor here in town has known him a long time and thinks he's as "cute as a button". Nicky would never learn self-discipline. And there is that worry that he would really try and hurt me if he got mad. So, I'm not sure what to do. I'm putting off a big knee surgery until I can better ascertain what to do. I am grateful he's not tempermental all the time, but he's gotten lazy, and doesn't like doing what he's told to do. I'm just glad I have a really long fuse. He's discovered his niche, drawing. He loves drawing his anime girls and is really talented. I have purchased him different drawing books and art supplies because I do want to encourage him. I know college isn't in his future, I know there are a lot of thing that aren't and I've dealt with it. Dealt with doesn't mean that I do not pray for miracles. Because I do. I have to because I have never been the kind of person to passively think it's all over. Nicky has autism and ADHD. He's not dying, he is in great health. I have dealt with my own physical problems and I will keep on pushing and pushing because I don't know how not to. I am still dealing and I will be okay. I always turn out okay and the way I see it, for all that has happened, something great will be around the corner eventually. I keep a positive attitude, I have a sense of humor, and I refuse to give up. Why did I decide to write this now? I see to many parents of autistic kids about giving up. Now, financially, by the end of the month, there is no money (and please! I don't want anyone's money, I have my pride and would never accept it) but I am rich in spirit and faith. I have a lot to deal with and have very little moral support, but I do it anyway. I have to set an example for Nicky, and I have to be strong for him and I have to be strong for myself. It is never good to give into despair, and I know it's tough, I know it's isolating, but who else is going to do it?