A Long Time

I know I haven't posted in a long time. I have been busy. Nicky is 19 now and he graduated high school (by the skin of his teeth) through K12 online classes. The bullying got so bad that I had no choice. It had gotten to the point that I was calling the school every day and not being heard. I wanted him to complete his schooling, so I opted for the online school. For me, it was a trial, but what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger. Mentally and maturity wise, I would say he'd be on level w/ a 13 yr. old. Unfortunately, he's turned into a bully himself when it's come to me. He's still a devoted kid, yes, but there have been times that he's threatened bodily harm on me, even cornering me on one occasion. He's 5'10" and I'm 5'3" and as some of you readers know, my body has been through the wringer. Way too young for the issues I have, trust me. It's even worse when he threatens my mom who moved into the apartment next door. She's 73 now and even smaller than I am. And what gets my son so angry with me? When I take a privilege away.for misbehaving. What makes it even worse is having people tell me I shouldn't discipline my son at all, that when he misbehaves, he is "expressing" himself. I don't think I would be doing Nicky any favors by allowing him to disrespect everyone. I'd considered enrolling him in Karate, but the instructor here in town has known him a long time and thinks he's as "cute as a button". Nicky would never learn self-discipline. And there is that worry that he would really try and hurt me if he got mad. So, I'm not sure what to do. I'm putting off a big knee surgery until I can better ascertain what to do. I am grateful he's not tempermental all the time, but he's gotten lazy, and doesn't like doing what he's told to do. I'm just glad I have a really long fuse. He's discovered his niche, drawing. He loves drawing his anime girls and is really talented. I have purchased him different drawing books and art supplies because I do want to encourage him. I know college isn't in his future, I know there are a lot of thing that aren't and I've dealt with it. Dealt with doesn't mean that I do not pray for miracles. Because I do. I have to because I have never been the kind of person to passively think it's all over. Nicky has autism and ADHD. He's not dying, he is in great health. I have dealt with my own physical problems and I will keep on pushing and pushing because I don't know how not to. I am still dealing and I will be okay. I always turn out okay and the way I see it, for all that has happened, something great will be around the corner eventually. I keep a positive attitude, I have a sense of humor, and I refuse to give up. Why did I decide to write this now? I see to many parents of autistic kids about giving up. Now, financially, by the end of the month, there is no money (and please! I don't want anyone's money, I have my pride and would never accept it) but I am rich in spirit and faith. I have a lot to deal with and have very little moral support, but I do it anyway. I have to set an example for Nicky, and I have to be strong for him and I have to be strong for myself. It is never good to give into despair, and I know it's tough, I know it's isolating, but who else is going to do it?

I Don't Want It, I Dread It

June 16th we go down to the hospital for Nicky to have the screw and staple removed from the one foot while the other will have an arch built, tendon shortened and a ligament lengthened. I can't postpone it again.... He's excited, he likes attention, but he's forgotten the pain. I'm scared. These are the times I hate being alone. He'll be stuck in a wheel chair for a long time, it's going to be rough, and I cannot lift or I risk ripping my abs even worse.... Everything seems so big right now. I'm broke, that doctor said those horrible things, and Nicky has his surgery. Crud.

Matters in My Own Hands/Home School vs. Public School

I've gotten to the point where I don't give a rip snort who says what. Not Nicky's social worker, not respite care and not even his shrinks. My back was to the wall, just about every day, Nicky was in tears. Some bully said one thing or did another. I'd call the school, and perhaps it would stop for the day and start up once again and his grades were being affected, so was his self-esteem.

My younger brother had pointed out that K12 program to me. I mulled it around as I watched my son's spirit sink lower and lower. I began to think about his surgery, that he may not be walking well by the time fall of '11' rolled about, and what bullies could do to him again.

There's also a lot of hazing done to the eighth graders.

I gathered information and decided that I am going to do the K12 route. There is a teacher involved, Nicky loves to learn, and without the distraction of bullies taunting him, he might actually be able to flourish. The fate was sealed, when in absolute frustration, he hit one of his bullies and told on himself.

As a parent, we aren't supposed to put our children in danger, it got to the point where I felt like I was putting him in danger every single time I sent him out the door.

We can find other ways for him to get social interaction. There's the Special Olympics and what have you for him. Social interaction isn't about fighting your tears as several kids torment you and do everything they can to make you cry.

I just can't do it anymore. I can't allow him to be hurt like that. So, I've started the process of this K12 so he never has to step foot into that school again, and if anyone disagrees, let THEM bodyguard Nicky every second and make sure he isn't tormented.

Love that Smile! on Twitpic

Love that Smile! on Twitpic

Comfy Nicky on Twitpic

Comfy Nicky on Twitpic

Autism Awareness Month

It is now April. And we do need to be aware. I'm poor, no joke, but still, there is a little boy out in this world that needs help with getting a dog to help him, he's special needs. I donated five bucks. Please, help this child out.

Also, there is a really neat gal on twitter, and she's made an autism badge, a twibbon if you will, she' done them for a few causes, please check out her page as well.

You can get your own twibbon there!

Disillusion

*Disclaimer* I want it to be known that I am not speaking of Dog4Deeds. They are in desperate need for a specially trained dog and they do need the extra help. I just wanted to make that clear and if you can spare a couple bucks, his link is on my list of links, please donate to the cause.

Not long after Nicky was diagnosed, it was decided that I enroll him in Early Childhood Development. I wasn't getting much on the lines of child support, neither of us were on disability yet. He had no nice clothes for attending school. As humiliating as it was, I did ask online folk for help in the sense that did they have clothes in good shape that their sons had outgrown. It was hard to do. It was humiliating, but Nicky needed it. People were very generous, they sent Nicky clothing, and some actually sent money and gift cards, and not a single cent was spent on me because I would have felt like the sleaziest human being on earth if I had.

I'm not pointing fingers, if you are offended, then you must be guilty of it.

I'm naive at times, I thought people were all for doing the best for their kids like me, but I was wrong, I saw a darker side. There are parents out there who exploit their children and their autism for their own gain.

Nicky gets respite, that is covered by his Medical Insurance. The other company we went through, took him to places like Valley Fair and all sorts of trips, but I could not go along, it was just for Nicky. That's all that mattered to me. But all that fun didn't matter much when those workers treated him like garbage.

People get donations for their kids. Computers. I bought mine. They get all sorts of free things, they even get free trips for the whole family! Some of what gets donated to their kids, they end up using themselves and it horrifies me. I'd like to get Nicky to a Comic Con, but there is no way in hell I would ask anyone for the money to get there.

Somethings online, yes, are for my pleasure, but asking for special tweets, etc. it's all for Nicky. If someone wants to do something special for Nicky, that's great. We don't have a lot of family, he's had it rough, but never would I use Nicky for my own personal gain. And I know there are several others out there who are like me, we do what we do for the good of our kids. I will ask someone to send Nicky a message, a kind word, but I will never ask for anything else. If someone wishes to gift him with something, awesome, but I'd never screw another person around.